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January 19th, 2008

02:59 pm - What Do You Have To Say? - Me Behind The Wheel What do you do when you're in the car alone? Brought to you by HP View 431 Answers blast SENSUAL SEDUCTION and sing..haha Current Mood: energetic Tags: car alone, hpmusic2, what do you have to say?, writer's block

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January 18th, 2008

07:08 pm - so once again i stumbled upon this livejournal thingy and i laugh. y? well A:someone brought up how anyone who has a livejournal is ultra geek and we all laughed and i said i have one but haven't wrote in it for dayyyyys then my bff krystle proceed in dubbing me the 'dear diary...' girl. yay for me B: some of these posts make me laugh and realize i have grown up...A LOT! anyways, life is good...dumped by ex cause he was turning into a psycho..no wait..he is an insecure psycho. so erikita will not put up with it. Besides that spring semester starts next wednesday and i do not want to think about it. I love vacation time! It is fun to just get up, have some coffee without feeling rushed and driving on the 17 over to santa cruz to just lounge. Oh well, ill make new friends this semester and see some familiar faces AND earn some good grades! so dropped the ex for the next and he is a total cutie, hottie with a body charm funny tall and sweet..ps NOT PSYCHO! haha had to make sure..two yrs my senior, but he is LEGAL so yeah none of this craddle rocking shit cause he turns 19 next month..haha last night i went over to Popscene in san francisco to see Steve Aoki. It was pretty fun i must tell you. I went with Bianca and her nina who is fucken tighhhht! she is such a sweetheart. so i had the choice of using my real id or my alias id who is 27..i decided to use Abi..and boy was i lucky i got in. haha the bouncer asked me to remove my glasses then asked for a second opinion where i took advantage of giving him a sexy smirk and wink..OK to GO ABI! wooooo! just six more months and ill be able to pass Abi down to another underage drinker..haha anywho, i met a cool gal named Selina who is a freelance photographer for that club and various others around the bay..she made me blush Selina: "it sucks youre not gay" Me: "i know!" but i might also mention that she dubbed me a TEASE that night (like i havent heard that name thrown at me..) i got to dance infront of his dj booth, but then proceeded with Selina to a spot right next to him 9cause little asian girls ARE BANANAS OVER HIM..geeezz stepping on my red gator slingbacks like you know mE! check yourself chinadolls!) and i was the offical Lindsay Lohan dancer of the night in san fran..haha fucken Stellas!!!!!!! anyways aoki was amazing...played a lot of tracks off his new album (dropping next wednesday @ any BEST BUY!) and got to meet him before i headed home. Such a nice fellow, too bad i didn't know of any other places to take him that night...dont really know whats open at 2am steve..but i got you next time big pimpin'! ok thats enough blabbin...peace ciao Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: Ivy- lets go to bed

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November 27th, 2006

07:04 pm - so i have not been on here for a while...did i miss out on anything? anyways, i got two new jobs since i last posted a journal...i was dating someone, but he ended up being whatever (he's confused on how he feels and blah blah blah i met some new guys so im good, I finally got a new phone (razr), im getting another tattoo this saturday, i got socked in the jaw this past weekend for trying to break up a fight and i have my first final this week...i need to sleep. take care ciao<3 Current Mood: drained

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July 5th, 2006

12:02 pm - i live in a glasshouse Radiohead was amazing...front row...fucken beautiful. San Felipe Mexico was fun this weekend, dancing on the go go cages, winning beads....and meeting tons of new people. i wish it could last forever, but life is not a big shiny disco ball life is sticky iky at the moment. i wish life were like a beach, calm and relaxing i said it once, and i'll say it again, i do not think love is on my side.....booo it all the the ground. ciao Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: The bends- Radiohead

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May 22nd, 2006

04:31 pm - *#%@^#*@ FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK YOU. i know you went with her because you guys are going out, but fuck you. it is going to be one year already, but the fact that i fucken asked you and you said 'you could not go blah blah blah' i hope you had fun. Current Mood: annoyed

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May 18th, 2006

09:35 pm - it's going down! all i have to say about college dorm life: amazing! i am really going to miss all the friends i have made when i leave on wednesday. The past months have been incredible, i have met more and more new people and i just love it. I have been partying a bit too much, but nothing that has had an effect on my grades or anything. Damn! then again, i cannot wait to rest and just have fun this summer, see old friends and look for a job (ugh!) as for anything new and exciting, not really, i mean yeah i've met some guys here and there, but nothing serious. I think this summer is going to be great! I recently got in contact with an old friend who use to like me and vice versa, but it just wasn't the right time to get together. I found out he still has feelings and well so do i. We agreed to let things take their course and if anything happens, so be it. Let's just hope no drama happens and that we can enjoy our summer together. Oh yeah, IM GOING TO GO SEE RADIOHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yay!!!!!!!!!! fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck YES!!! (sorry sheri for my language) the tickets are getting shipped to me next week, so i will be looking forward to having those tickets in my hands :) one more final to study for (on monday) and then the pain of moving out (double ugh!) of my dorm. Have a great weekend~! ciao Current Mood: bouncy

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March 22nd, 2006

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February 15th, 2006

12:47 pm - casual dating is what i have came to believe that i am doing. so instead of casual sex, im casually dating guys and when they get too close, i push them off or i make an excuse to not see them again because i'm still scarred from what my dad did to my mama. there was this relationship counselor here at the dorms and i told her my situation and now she wants me to come in and talk to her. SHe thinks i need to talk about it and understand that i can fight this, or else i'm never going to be satisfied and keep doing what im doing. last night though...well let's just say i almost got laid...yeah, it was kinda fun..we kissed...but he was being good. i swear, sometimes i think i'm a guy or something. he kept trying to get me to take my clothes off..haha..no good. at the end though, i kinda just wanted to but decided to depart and head out to my room. damn conscious i need to shower...one more class to gooo and then its nap nap time! ciao<3 Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Tsunami Bomb-take the reins

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February 10th, 2006

01:08 pm - we are just accidents, waiting to happen, waiting....relationships: are just not in the cards for me. After the situation with a certain ex (most of you are aware of) i haven't been able to just let anyone in. It's funny how a guy friend of mine noticed that i don't give guys a chance. It's like i notice that they are trying to hit on me and instead of giving them a chance or try to figure out what their deal is, i just shut them down. THE PASS IS NO GOOD. It could be that i am not ready to be with anyone at the moment, but when i look at it more closely, i am a lonely person at times. i do wish to be with someone who wants to be with me as much as i want to be with him but it just doesn't work that way. since that break up, i've done nothing but fuck around. date guys here, kiss a few here, had sex with him , and it's just not satisfying any more. for the time being, i think being alone is good. wait, i'm not really sure what i want right now! one day i want a relationship and the next i want to be alone. i think i am claustrophobic when it comes to relationships. Now,i don't know exactly how this all came to be, but i can say that thanks to other people's mistakes, i've learned to build this wall that does not allow anyone in,unless i really want them to be in. Also the fact that i witnessed the break and fall of my parents marriage right before my eyes at a very young age and feeling so helpless and optimistic about my very own future when it came to relationships and marriage.I've had friends who have backstabbed me and later try to act as if nothing happened. I don't think i've hurt anyone and if i have, i have apologized and things are fine now. I'm the type of person that can't be mad at someone for a long time and i can't stand it if someone is mad at me. It just kills my whole mood. But back to relationships, i have had a few good and bad ones and just really scary ones which never made it past two months (should have been less than that*) I look at my twin brother and see how he and his girlfriend are well, just so damn cute together. They were friends before it all happened. I have no clue on how long they have been dating but its been a very long time, like about 4 years or so. they've had ups and down but what i admire the most about their relationship is trust and honesty. Sometimes my brother can be an ass but he makes up for it with his love for her. Yes, i am jealous of that. i want it but then i don't. UGH! so how did i come to write about relationships this friday afternoon? Well, this fellow i know here likes me. The thing is, i can't tell if he does or maybe i just don't care to pay attention. My friend Annmarie notices it a lot and tells me he likes me. He's a great guy, funny, tallllll, fit and sweet but overall his personality is what matters most, and i like it. The only thing that bothers me is that i'm scared to get too close. I'm afraid i am going to do something wrong, mess it up, hurt him or even hurt myself. What if he claims to be this person in the beginning and as time goes by, turn out the be a total ass? Love is so overrated that i don't really know how it feels, not even from my family. I say the words and all but they don't feel real sometimes. i miss my family the way it was before the divorce, the lie and the hurt. it's just not the same anymore. I love my brothers and mom to death. I also love my father, but that love is just so hurt and damaged that it's somewhere buried 6ft deep inside of me.anyways, back to what i was saying, so last night, we went to a party, danced, laughed, and he walked me to my room. we talked, i felt nervous cause now i could tell that he likes me. haha. so he proceeds to ask me to be his valentine. Now valentine's day is a day that is just somewhat ridiculous but i won't deny the fact that i do enjoy getting something, it just reminds me so much of my father, since he use to bring me flowers on V-day and now that day seems so sad and heartbreaking that i had planned to just do nothing. He wants to take me out to dinner. I say yes. now my head is full of doubts and just nonsense. i am seriously scared. I don't want to date people like my father, but the thing i am really scared of is what if some part of me is like my father? what if i'm the one inflicting the pain and suffering? I love how i question everything and everyone. I seriously am trying not to get hurt and i know it will happen, but i'm just not letting it happen. We are all going to die, that i know, but i am trying my best to not get hurt before i die. I would seriously hate it if i died with a broken heart. we are all different yet so alike. We lie, We cheat, We hurt, and there's nothing to it. Everyone is not perfect, not i, not you not even the priest at the church in downtown San Jose. I really need to sit down and analize myself and what i want. I don't know how i feel about him yet, it's too soon to tell, but i do enjoy his company and the way he makes me laugh, I like it when someone can make me smile. for now, i'll just keep doing my thing and not worry about it. i've heard it all, in time love will find you or when you least expect it, love will get you.i'm in no rush to fall in love and later crash and burn. till then, i am still my father's daughter. 'why so green and lonely, lonely, lonely heaven sent you, to me, to me, to me' ciao Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Sia-Breath me

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January 14th, 2006

07:58 pm - interpol come take me away living up north is not the same anymore. ever since i got back from sylmar (so cal) i've just been depressed. I'm in total need of being around people who know me for who i am. Being around my brother and his wife's family is just ....weird and uncomfortable. I mean wouldn't you feel the same if you knew they talked shit about you? Just because i like to hang out with my friends, who for a fact, i consider to be more family to me than some actual members of my family. It's sad that they talk shit and when im around them they act like whatever. The relationship i had with my sister-inlaw is not there anymore, it's like she's gone into bitch mode ever since the incident with my niece happened and her mom can be one too.... ugh! my brother is a little prick as well, he always wants to pick a fight, for jeebus sake your 26 years old and a father of two...grow up! some of our fights are just childish and i chose to not pay attention to them because it's not worth my time. I'm really looking forward to starting school on the 25th, so i can be myself more and be free. Gilroy is a crappy town is you ask me! i don't do anything at the house! it's like being locked up in a nice jail. If we go out, it's only to do errands or to go out and eat. I really need to get a job and save up to buy a car cause that's the only way out. If i had a car i could be sigh seeing ...anything than just staying at home...i like to stay at home from time to time, but not around people you don't want to be around. all i need right now is love. pure and honest love. i miss my friends and their friendship.i know i have it but i want it with me right now at this moment. i want to be able to reach out and touch it. be able to call them and know that they are only a couple minutes away. damn, i need to go out. i seem to be rambling. goodnight. ciao Current Mood: depressed Current Music: karma police

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January 8th, 2006

01:32 pm - bend it ok so since being in the valley for the past 3 weeks, i have realized how much i miss my friends. Like SOOOOOOOOOO much. San Jose is a nice place, it's different but friends do make the world go round...well at least my group of friends do. My twin brother came down from Las Vegas. Mind you I haven't seen this guy since graduation, back in June. I missed him soooooo much. I have been spending a lot of time with him. I also kinda started to see someone but i think i am going to end that relationship only because i don't think it could work out. He's more into it than i am which is a problem. I just don't want to hurt anyone's feelings anymore, so i vow to tell him how i feel instead of letting things get worse (ex. ignoring him, possibly lying...something i depise!!!!!!) at the moment, i am with my two brothers, Juan and Miguel. Miguel is in the Navy, he came from washington. The only thing that sucks is that he flew in today while Juan is leaving tonight to Las Vegas (he starts school on monday) and i leave tomorrow morning back to Gilroy (school starts on the 25th.) I will try to enjoy their presence as much as i can because i seriously don't know when i will see them again. I think the next time i will see them is for Miguel's Wedding in june or july...wow...thats a long time...but it should be fun, my brother's fiance, Lorraine, just informed me that it's going to be open bar..woot woot! good times! ciao♥ ps: HAPPY NEW YEAR TO YOU ALL!!!!! Current Mood: happy Current Music: cafe tacvba

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December 7th, 2005

12:06 pm last week i went to santa cruz to visit Eva. Now as i have said it before, i hooked up with a guy that Eva set me up with, NO we didn't hook up again, i didn't even see him. He's in a thing called a 'relationship' though, but knowing him, he's probably still keeping a look out for other oppourtunities to hook up cause he said it himself 'he sees beauty in every woman he meets'- HES A TRUE FREE LOVING HIPPIE! but his roommate told me he wanted to hang out and that he got mad at him for not telling him that i was in town, OH WELL. so i got there and eva and i had lunch. We met up with Al, MAtt and Armando. Now, Armando is still mad at me, why you ask? well he's mad because i hooked up with _______. How fucken stupid is that? Yeah i knew Armando liked me cause Eva told me but why didn't he get the balls to tell me? but who's fault is that?Also, another thing that pissed me off is the way he found out, _______ told Armando because he felt bad cause he knew Armando liked me. what a shmuck! sometimes the truth isn't always good, it can actually do more harm than good. Armando has no reason to be mad at me! He was mad at eva for a bit, but since she lives in the same dorm as him, they made up. I said hi to everyone except him and you know what, i didn't care. I don't bother with people like him. I've taken two finals this week, and two more next week then we get kicked out for the winter, oh JEEBUS am i ready for a vacation, not only that but i need a damn job!!!! i am officially broke! i plan to get a job as soon as i get back from LA and just save! i want to get a car and get a new cell phone. im done with this. ciao Current Mood: aggravated

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11:37 am R A T H E R 1. pierce your nose or tongue? hmm, my tongue, but then again, i dont want to talk like a retard 2. be serious or be funny?: Funny, not retarded funny, but funny 3. drink whole or skim milk? any, but not a lot of it like my BUNNY 4. die in a fire or drown? shit! um... i'd rather get shot 5. spend time with your parents or go down on someone? haha hmm, my mom is ok and my dad buys me whatever i want...depends on who i'm going down on *wink* i'd go with spending time with my dad, not both together cause they would be fighting ( long ass survey ) Current Mood: mellow

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November 27th, 2005

08:09 pm - turkey-gobble gobble biatch! Was big and juicy. My three older brothers and their women were there. It was nice. It was my brother Miguel's first REAL thanksgiving in 5 years (he's been in the NAVY all that time and still is) but yeah. I got to spend time with my other brother's family which was ok. My bros and i just drank beer and played Poker. The next day we put up the x-mas tree and guess who got to put the star...ME!! it was soo cute, after that, i just played DDR with my nephew and brother. This weekend was pretty chill but i really wished i would have gone to LA. I wanted to go but i knew if i went i was going to get shit from my brother's wife's family. They always have something to say, i fucken hate it cause they're not even related to me...only through marriage kinda, but it still doesn't count. Im not the one who got married into their family. Plus i vowed to myself that if i ever start dating a guy seriously, i won't introduce him to anyone besides my friends, mom and three of my brothers until i feel its ok to intro him to my older bros wife. SHe iws very very, how can i say it, well rude when it comes to it. She just assumes that i don't know what 'love' is until i get older, first of all, who says i want to jump into love, love finds people, not the other way around. and i dont mean LUST, i mean LOVE...people try to look for love, but end up finding LUST yet some are lucky to get LOVE out of LUST..ok enough of that. I just know that whoever the lucky person is, will get to meet a very interesting family...gosh, im twitching just thinking about it. yesterday my two bros, their women, my niece and i went to X-mas in the park in downtown San Jose. It was pretty fun, i got to spend more time with them. My brother Miguel is stationed in Washington and won't be able to come home for X-mas, so i took the advantage of spending more time with him. We went ice skating..wow...we haven't done that since like 2000...it was fun!! oh yeah he's also getting married next year in June...all thats left to marry is Juan and I....no worried, not anytime soon, i assure you. i need a break. its fucken cold outside!!!!! my fingers are freezing! ciao♥ Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Paul Oakenfold

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November 19th, 2005

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November 17th, 2005

05:44 pm - midterms are killing me! on a good note, i got my paper back and got a B+. yeayer!!! now i have an 8 page paper due tuesday for the same class. This paper should be very interesting because i have to imagine myself 100 years ago (1905) and what my social location would be according to the rules back then. Meaning would i be in college, would i be married with 4-7 kids? yeah im looking forward to it. There are like three movies i really want to see 1) Rent, they had a special screening here at school last night and i found out when it was too late, i was pisssssed! 2) Harry Potter...i want to see how they illustrate the tournament, i can only imagine it's not the same as i imagined it in my head. 3) walk the line- johnny cash rules. the story should be interesting since his daughter didn't really like it cause it makes her mother (cash's first wife) seem like a psycho kinda besides that, im going to a frat auction tonight...yes another one. and maybe an 80's party that is being hosted by another fraternity. thank jeebus for thursday nights, the weekend starts now. peace out ciao♥ Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: the arcade fire

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November 10th, 2005

06:31 pm - who really care cause its your life, it might be great i got laid. yes i got laid. it was great and well the guy did a big NONO. he apperently told some guy that has a HUGE crush on me and now he's mad. WHY THE FUCK SHOULD HE BE MAD??!?! well , i guess he feels hurt. i didn't promise him anything and we're not dating. so what gives???? i'm just not going to think about it. im going home tomorrow to see my nephew and my newborn niece. i really really hope they dont give me shit! if the do, san jose is just a bus and lightrail trip away! either that or i can spend the night at my other brothers house. ok im out, i need to write a research paper. college rocks! ciao♥ Current Mood: irate

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November 8th, 2005

04:10 pm - PpPppPPSSsSsSSSs with certain situations that come up in life (arguements, fights, conversations, etc.) i either take one of these two routes: 1. i can say something back and just make the situation more stressful (just arguing until someone gives up and gives in to what the other person says, and believe me, I AM NOT THE TYPE THAT LIKES TO BE PROVEN WRONG) I can go at it until one of us turns blue. I only do this with people that i know will DROP IT once somebody wins, someone who doesn't hold grudges and can get on with life without looking back at it with an attitude but just make fun of it instead. 2. I'd rather just let that person tell me whatever the fuck they want until they turn blue cause i know that whatever i say will only get them to talk even more WHICH I DONT WANT!! i use this option with people that i know will come back to the situation after it has been done for years to come. I can't stand people who just want to talk shit and don't give you a chance to talk cause they know that they are wrong somewhere in between. Instead of arguing an endless arguement, i'd rather just say nothing so they can shut the fuck up. Sometimes it pisses them more off, but i don't care cause i just want to get over it. My older brother Jaime and his wife , her mom are these type of people. i should have done this a long time ago, but from now on, i am not going to care what people think, say about me. I don't need lip from anyone. The only reason people give other people bullshit is because they are pissed that they may not be able to do the same things that others do, cause they are angry that shit is happening in their lives and not to others. I am tired of the bullshit. i need to calm down..hahaha ♥ Current Mood: annoyed

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03:59 pm - emotions after my second class for the day i decided to call my sister-inlaw. again she cries and tells me that i'll know how it will feel when i have a baby and no one from my family doesnt show up. OK i held back a lot of things because: a) i know that my family can be a bunch of flakers, i've known since i was small, so its nothing new to me b) they all have lives of their own and i won't take it personally if they cannot make it, unless they promies, cause i HATE people who break promises!!!!! c) friends do come and go but the ones i have (im not speaking for ALL of them just a handdul) will be there for me. i only know this because i've been friend with these certain people for like 5+ years and if they didn't want to be my friend anymore, they would not be speaking to me, ignore me and whatnot, so its kinda fucked to say that. I personally hold my friends a bit more higher than some members of my family (for example my father)only because some members of my family haven't really been there for me. but yeah i said sorry and told her i dont want to argue and basically get over it cause its stressing me out. DAMN! besides that i plan to go to spain next year just because i've been wanting to go for the longest time. that means i need to get a job pronto. ciao♥ Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: While my guitar gently weeps

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November 7th, 2005

03:25 pm - Sleepy go ninight!!!!!!!! alrighty, so i went to santa cruz for the weekend on thursday (thursday nights, my weekend begins!) so i get there and Eva is just so ecstatic to see me! aawwww, ok so we go downtown and go clubbing at like midnight with Armando and nothing but thugs are there. I mean we had fun but eva and i had to keep dodging some shady fellas. Plus they weren't even cute and i danced with one guy just to be nice and he kept getting close, so close that i felt his pp...so i had to dance away....hahaha...oh yeah FIRST RAIN was the shit!!!! they have this tradition in santa cruz were the first day of rain a bunch of college students get naked and just run around campus, i took pictures!!!!!! it was awesome! big, small, little, hairy, you name it!!!! i got a HOT shot of this beer belly guy...hahaha so the following night we go downtown to watch Jarhead and my sister-inlaw calls me that she is disappointed in me that i wasn't at the hospital when my niece was born and that 'i'm just like everyone else' to put the icing on the cake she starts crying and says she has nothing else to say to me and hangs up. oh and she also tells me that i could go visit my friend any other time and if i cared that my mum was even driving up for the weekend. Now that just put me in the most fucked up mood EVER i was really pissed because : a) what does it matter to anyone that i went to santa cruz!!?? i have no boyfriend and once i moved out, i do what i want when i want HOW i want b) i had no ride to the hospital and i dont drive. Not to mention that i dont know where the hospital is and no one even called me to let me know that the baby was even born...how is it my fault for not being there? who would have given me a ride, everyone was practically busy, they even say it themselves c) what does going to santa cruz have to do with me being 'like everyone else' and how her mother helps me out? i am not choosing my friend over my family!!!!! what?!!! just cause she gives me money, it automatically means that i have to do and drop everything for them when they won't even do the same in return.i dont even ask for money, they give it to me cause they feel 'sorry' for me cause i'm a college student. No to also mention that on wednesday night my roommate almost died and i had to pick her up from the hospital or else she would have had to spend the night AND i had a mandatory floor meeting AND an exam the next day. so yeah i saw JArhead and got over it a bit. so the following night, (saturday) this guy has a cannibis club card and buys me a brownie called SLEEPY GO NINIGHT...that was the best brownie i've ever had!!!! we later went to the lounge and watched "city of God' man....that movie is so disturbing yet it speaks a lot of truth. after that, i stayed up until 7am doing..... and came home sunday at 5pm i plant to get a job soon so i can have more money and go visit santa cruz more often, the people are nice...not all but the ones i met are♥ Current Mood: optimistic Current Music: radiohead

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